Adversity comes

So this blog post is really for me, just my way to vent and let out some feelings because we all have those, I mean they are inevitable. Even as a woman who is trying to minister to others via online, through my website; I still have off days and I still need words of encouragement. Yesterday was one of my off days, I had a conversation with a friend that really threw me off for many reasons and I really let my emotions get the best of me. I haven’t gotten really sad in a long time, but yesterday I did and because I did; I felt like something was wrong with me. I turned off all the lights in my room and laid under my covers for a couple of hours and just felt like, I was a fraud. Like I sit on here and preach about not letting your feelings dictate your life, yet I was doing opposite. I felt like a failure because for some reason, i have been holding myself to this higher standard of not messing up. I felt like what God requires of me in his kingdom, doesn’t mix with getting sad over things that happen to me. All these thoughts of not being equipped, not being good enough drowned me. But shortly after the spirit of discernment kicked in and was like “the devil is trying to put you down, he wants to bring you back to that place, you firmly walked out off, get up”. And even then, it was just like; I hear you but I rather not. I felt the conviction of disobedience but at the same time, something was telling me who cares. At that very moment, I realized God was playing tug of war with the Devil for me. I got up. I had plans to go to resting place that night, and although I didn’t feel like going, I went anyway. When you don’t feel like doing something that you KNOW you are supposed to do, this is when you should make it your priority to do it because the devil will ALWAYS try to keep you from your biggest blessings or from your appointed deliverance. He invokes this feeling of tiredness or laziness when he wants to keep you away from something good. Please fight it. And if you feel like you can’t, call on a friend, call on God; because it’s not easy battle nor for you to fight alone. When I got to resting place, I felt hardened. I walked in and instantly was like I’m not going to get anything out of this; but God had different plans and he fought for me that night like never before. It was now like 9pm and I haven’t prayed not ONCE. Knowing that even made me feel like, I wasn’t worth his time. I felt like “wow I failed him”. Around 9:30pm after my friend Eunice prayed with me there was a shift in my heart. Being surrounded by love, worship and prayer was all I needed. “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst” - Matthew 18:20. And although, i wasn’t actively jumping or shouting; I had my eyes fixed on Jesus and that’s all that mattered. Eventually I broke out into prayer and tears and our father grasped me instantly and held me. “It’s going to be okay, I got you”. Turns out, It was okay, he did have me. I shared this story about my day with you all, to say that it’s okay to have off days. Those days test your faith which produces endurance. I know there are a lot of other people who feel like they have people looking up to them and so there is no room to mess up. But if there was no mess ups and we were perfect, we wouldn’t need his grace or his mercy and those are the GREATEST gifts we have from him. Sometimes we just need to focus on our relationship with God and allow him to just pour into us, instead of being caught up in pouring into others. We can’t pour out of a glass half emptied because then how will we sustain ourselves? I say this all the time: just when you are doing GREAT, the devil will try to shake you up; stay alert and even if he does, trust that God will fight for you because you have the faith in him to do so. I did nothing yesterday but just cry and go to resting place; the easy stuff. God did the rest of the work for me, and he will do the same for you. On your off days, seek him regardless of your feelings; depend on him and then look at the switch, it will read “ON”.  

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