I had someone ask me two questions:
where I was in terms of dating and when are you suppose to know when it is the right time to date? So i am taking this blog post to answer both questions on a much personal level, so i hope you guys enjoy.
All my life, I have been in and out of relationships. And in every relationship, i found myself being either mentally or physically abused. I found myself in the same cycle, because i figured it was the best I could get. (THAT WAS NOT TRUE). It came to a point where, I did not know how to be alone. I waited a maximum of 5 months and a minimum of 2 weeks between relationships and I would lie to myself and tell myself I was happy, and so that is why I didn’t have to wait between relationships; when really I was just scared of singleness. First let me say, that is a big mistake!! Giving yourself time between relationships is so important because time is the only thing that can heal you; and i don’t mean it only in terms of getting a broken heart because maybe your heart wasn’t broken, but in terms of figuring out what went wrong, what bad habits have you picked up on, and in the spiritual realm, what demons attached themselves to you(THIS HAPPENS!). Time is the only thing that can expose you to these things and then handling them is something you have to do alone. Obviously having friends is fine, but being in a whole new relationship can harm you even more, let alone, you can unintentionally hurt someone else. It’s kind of like falling and scrapping your knees. You bleed, it hurts for some time, then slowly it starts to scab over; but then you get impatient and you yank the scab off, now it’s bleeding again now it’s hurting again. Going through relationships one after the other is this same cycle of pain because you have not FULLY healed. You will end up picking someone based on what you think you need, and not on what you know you need.
So all this to say, where am i at now?
I am single, and have been for a couple of months now. And i don’t mean the single but entertaining people type of single. I am SINGLE. Being single is something people run from; because they don’t want to be “lonely”, I’m here to tell you it’s not lonely. It’s actually filling. It’s crazy because my last relationship ended because I woke up one day and God told me time is up. Nothing was currently wrong in my relationship; but God literally told me it was time to end things, and I was worth more.. and so I was obedient and did so. Was it hard? Yes. Did I feel horrible? Yes. But see there is always fruit from trusting God. Because shortly after, God revealed some things to me that confirmed for me why that relationship was toxic for me and where I was lacking emotionally, mentally and spiritually. That one decision to leave the person I was with brought me to this point.
I am in the season of singleness but I am joyful, I feel complete and I love being alone. I never thought I’d say, that i LOVE being alone. Sometimes, i sit and my mind wanders about falling in love again and so I want to catch feelings for someone, but then I remember the importance of being patient because that is what got me this far and I know it is the only way God will allow the one to come to me. When I’m ready and when he is ready, whoever ‘he’ is; it’ll happen. Right now, I am focused on building my brand. Doing things i love: like blogging, traveling; hanging out and growing closer to God. What is different about being in singleness this time around is that, I include God in everything I do and so I never feel alone, honestly. It’s like i switched that dependence on a man, to our father God and now I feel so secure in everything I do. I encourage you all struggling with dependence on people to do the same. Fix your eyes on God and watch him work, he will NEVER forsake you!
When will i know when the time is right to start dating?
Honestly, when God says so. Before i got to answering this question. My answer in my head was: when i feel complete and when i feel ready.
Now as I am typing this; my answer has changed. It is not about when I feel like I’m ready. Just because i feel like I am, doesn’t mean it is the right time. It just came to me, that it is not ALWAYS about me. I may be ready, but the person I’m fitted to be with, may not be. Or without knowing, I may be ready in flesh but not in spirit. All things, that only the one above is sure of. And so my answer is, focus on your relationship with God. The strengthening of that relationship will allow you to see things from his light, understand things from his mental capacity and love, close enough to how he loves. Pairing that, with doing things to prepare for a relationship like: understanding the ins and outs of marriage, understanding yourself; and your weaknesses and strengths, and finding your purpose. Your significant other is only made to compliment you, not to complete you. If you lose sight of this fact, you will always look for someone to validate who God made you to be, and you do not NEED validation from anyone!
All in all, when the time is right, God will let you know. He will send direct signals that only you will understand and feel. Love awaits for all of us; so don’t be scared, we are not made to be alone. Trust that and patience is key. If love comes, let it! Be open to love, it’s thee most important thing. “do everything in love” - 1 Corinthians 16:14
P.S. this is my last post for the next two weeks, cooking up something really good for you guys. I love y’all, talk to y’all soon.